Sunday, May 14, 2017
I Know My Mom! A Comedy
I Know My Mom!
My mom's name is redacted.
I told my children early on what my real name was in case we were ever separated, and they needed to identify me by name and not "mom."
It's impressive really, son, that you can spell my name that accurately. Some adults can't these days because despite it being really common for centuries, there's soooo many iterations of it.
My mom's shoe size is 12.
Nope. No. No. Uh uh. That's bigger than you're dad's foot. I wear an unimpressive 7.5 C if you must know.
My mom's eyes are blue.
Everyone in our family's eyes are blue. If they aren't, then we've got bigger problems as I took someone home from the hospital that I didn't give birth to. This also means that my husband and I are more closely related. We're like 64th cousin or something because all blue eyed people are thought to have a common ancestor who flipped the switch from the dominant brown to blue (which isn't recessive just different gene expression).
My mom is 35 years old.
Don't remind me. I'm betting half the kids in your class have parents younger than me.
My mom's favorite color is red.
Yes. This is common discussion in our family. I recently learned that your brother likes a lot of colors and your father stubbornly sticks to black.
My mom's favorite thing to eat is healthy things.
Ha! Actually son when it comes to eating healthy things versus dying young because of heart disease, I chose the healthy things because I love you. I'd much prefer to eat the unhealthy things, but you won out over that.
My mom's favorite thing to drink is tea.
Actually I like soda as much as you, but again I don't need to die at an early age so sometimes I drink tea for the caffeine content. I drink tea to keep me awake because having you wake me up in the middle of the night isn't fun. Please go back to sleep. Most of the time you'll notice that I drink water.
My mom's favorite thing to watch on TV is ads.
What? I watch movies and youtube videos.
On the weekend, my mom and I like to do homework.
Well, I'm glad you enjoy it because I don't.
The thing my mom says the most is do your work.
I know priorities right?
I love my mom because she makes the best [scrambled] eggs.
Well at least no one will accuse me of never feeding you.
Happy Mother's Day!